Tech: "Driver's tech support, how can I help you?"
Driver: "I can't start my car."
T: "OK, what year, make, and model car is it?"
D: "How the hell do I know?! I just drive to the store in it!"
T: "OK, calm down. That information is important, but we'll try working without it. Is there gas in the tank?"
D: "I don't know. How do I find out?"
T: "Look at the gas gauge. Is the needle pointing to `E' or `F'?"
D: "Which one is the gas gauge?"
T: "It has an E and an F, and maybe a little picture of a gas pump."
D: "Oh! The needle is pointing to 0."
T: "Excuse me? 0?"
D: "Yeah, and right in the middle it says `x1000.' Is that my model, the X-1000?"
T: (sigh) "No, that's the tachometer. The gas gauge is smaller and usually to the left of the tach."
D: "Uh, OK, I see it. The needle is between the E and the F."
T: "Great. Now let's check the battery. Hit the horn."
D: "Hey, I know that one!" (honk!) "Yeah, the horn works."
T: (rolling eyes) "OK, we know your car has fuel and electric power let's try to start it."
D: "But that's why I'm calling! I can't start my car, you moron!"
T: "We're going to try AGAIN. Push in the gas pedal a little bit, and turn the key to the start position."
D: "Now how am I supposed to do that, huh? I can't reach the key while I'm pressing the gas; my arms aren't that long."
T: "No, press the gas pedal with your foot."
D: "Can I do that?"
T: "Try it."
D: "Um, there's no key in the switch."
T: "Wait a minute, if the key isn't in the switch, how could you have been trying to start your car?"
D: "I don't know."
T: "Well, put the key in the switch."
D: "Which key?"
T: "The ignition key." (duh)
D: "I don't know which one that is."
T: "It's probably the biggest one on the keychain."
D: "Uh, keychain?"
T: "Yeah, the little ring that keeps all your keys together."
D: "Oh, I lost that a couple of days ago. Do I need it?"
(click)